PS, I Love You: A Novel Page 24

  “Hi, this is Gerry, please leave a message after the beep and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.”

  “Gerry,” Holly said crying, “I need you …”

  Holly stood outside the door of the library and waited. The librarian kept a close watch on her just in case she ran off. Holly made a face at her and turned her back to her.

  “Stupid bitch,” she growled.

  Finally her mum’s car pulled up outside and Holly tried to make herself appear as normal as she could. Watching her mother’s happy face driving in and parking in the car park brought back memories. Her mum used to collect her from school every day when she was younger and she was always so relieved to see that familiar car come to rescue her after her hellish day in school. Holly had always hated school, well, she had until she met Gerry. Then she would look forward to going to school each day so they could sit together and flirt down the back of the class.

  Holly’s eyes filled with tears again and Elizabeth rushed over to her and wrapped her arms around her baby. “Oh, my poor poor Holly, what happened, love?” she said, stroking her hair and casting evil glances in at the librarian as Holly explained the story.

  “OK, love, why don’t you wait out in the car and I’ll go in and deal with her.” Holly did as she was told and sat in the car flicking through the radio stations as her mum confronted the school bully.

  “Silly cow,” her mother grumbled as she climbed back into the car. She looked over at her daughter, who looked so lost. “Why don’t we go home and we can relax?”

  Holly smiled gratefully and a tear trickled down her face. Home. She liked the sound of that.

  Holly snuggled up on the couch with her mum in Portmarnock. She felt like a teenager again. She and her mum used to always cuddle up on the couch and fill each other in on all the gossip in their lives. She wished she could have the same giggling conversations with her now as she used to have then. Her mum broke into her thoughts, “I rang you last night at home, were you out?” She took a sip of her tea.

  Oh, the wonders of the magical tea. The answer to all of life’s little problems. You have a gossip and you make a cup of tea, you get fired from your job and you have a cup of tea, your husband tells you he has a brain tumor and you have a cup of tea …

  “Yeah, I went out to dinner with the girls and about a hundred other people I didn’t know.” Holly rubbed her eyes tiredly.

  “How are the girls?” Elizabeth said fondly. She had always gotten along well with Holly’s friends, unlike Ciara’s friends, who terrified her.

  Holly took a sip of her tea. “Sharon’s pregnant and Denise got engaged,” she said, still staring off into space.

  “Oh,” Elizabeth squeaked, not sure how to react in front of her obviously distressed daughter. “How do you feel about that?” she asked softly, brushing a hair away from Holly’s face.

  Holly stared down at her hands and tried to compose herself. She wasn’t successful and her shoulders began to tremble and she tried to hide her face behind her hair.

  “Oh Holly,” Elizabeth said sadly, putting her cup down and moving closer to her daughter. “It’s perfectly normal to feel like this.”

  Holly couldn’t even manage to get any words out of her mouth.

  The front door banged and Ciara announced to the house, “We’re hoooome!”

  “Great,” Holly sniffed, resting her head on her mum’s chest.

  “Where is everyone?” Ciara shouted, banging doors closed around the house.

  “Just a minute, love,” Elizabeth called out, angry that her moment with Holly was ruined.

  “I have news!” Ciara’s voice got louder as she got nearer to the living room. Mathew burst open the door carrying Ciara in his arms. “Me and Mathew are moving back to Australia!” she yelled happily into the room. She froze as she saw her upset sister in her mum’s arms. She quickly jumped down from Mathew’s arms, led him out of the room, and closed the door silently behind them.

  “Now Ciara’s going too, Mum,” Holly cried even harder, and Elizabeth cried softly for her daughter.

  Holly stayed up late that night talking to her mum about everything that had been bubbling up inside her for the past few months. And although her mother offered many words of kind reassurance, Holly still felt as trapped as before. She stayed in the guest bedroom that night and woke up to a madhouse the following morning. Holly smiled at the familiarity of the sound of her brother and sister running around the house screaming about how they were late for college and late for work, followed by their dad grumbling at them to get a move on, followed by her mum’s gentle pleas for everyone to stay silent so as not to disturb Holly. The world went on, simple as that, and there was no bubble big enough to protect her.

  At lunchtime Holly’s dad dropped her home and squeezed a check for five thousand euro into her hand.

  “Oh, Dad, I can’t accept this,” Holly said, overcome with emotion.

  “Take it,” he said, gently pushing her hand away. “Let us help you, love.”

  “I’ll pay back every cent,” she said, hugging him tightly.

  Holly stood at the door and waved her father off down the road. She looked at the check in her hand and immediately a weight was lifted from her shoulders. She could think of twenty things she could do with this check, and for once buying clothes wasn’t one of them. Walking into the kitchen she noticed the red light flashing on the answering machine on the table in the hall. She sat on the end of the stairs and hit the button.

  She had five new messages.

  One was from Sharon ringing to see if she was OK because she hadn’t heard from her all day. The second was from Denise ringing to see if she was OK because she hadn’t heard from her all day. The two girls had obviously been talking to each other. The third was from Sharon, the fourth was from Denise and the fifth was just somebody hanging up. Holly pressed delete and ran upstairs to change her clothes. She wasn’t quite ready to talk to Sharon and Denise yet; she needed to get her life into order first so she could be more of a support for them.

  She sat in the spare room in front of her computer and began to type up a CV. She had become an old pro at doing this as she changed her jobs so often. It had been a while since she had to worry about going to interviews, though. And if she did get an interview, who would want to hire someone who hadn’t been working for a whole year?

  It took her two hours to finally print out something that she thought was at least half decent. In fact, she was really proud of what she had done, she had somehow managed to make herself look intelligent and experienced. She laughed loudly in the room, hoping she would manage to fool her future employers into thinking she was a capable worker. Reading back over her CV she decided that even she would hire herself. She dressed smartly and drove down to the village in the car she had finally managed to fill with petrol. She parked outside the recruitment office and applied lip gloss in her car mirror. There was to be no more time wasting. If Gerry said to find a job, she was going to find a job.

  Thirty-two

  A COUPLE OF DAYS LATER HOLLY sat out on her new garden furniture in her back garden, sipped on a glass of red wine and listened to the sound of her wind chimes making music in the breeze. She looked around at the neat lines of her newly landscaped garden and decided that whoever was working on her garden had to be a professional. She breathed in and allowed the sweet scent of the flowers to fill her nostrils. It was eight o’clock and already it was beginning to get dark. The bright evenings were gone, and everybody was once again preparing for hibernation for the winter months.

  She thought about the message she had received on her answering machine that day. It had been from the recruitment agency and she was shocked to have received a reply from them so quickly. The woman on the phone said that there had been a great response to her resume and already Holly had two job interviews lined up. Butterflies fluttered around her stomach at the thought of it. She had never been particularly good at job interviews, but then again she had ne
ver been particularly keen on any of the jobs she was being interviewed for. This time she felt different; she was excited to get back to work and to try something new. Her first interview was for a job selling advertising space for a magazine that circulated throughout Dublin. It was something she had absolutely no experience in, but she was willing to learn because the idea of it sounded far more interesting than any of her former jobs, which had mostly entailed answering the phone, taking messages and filing. Anything that involved not having to do any of those things was a step up.

  The second interview was with a leading Irish advertising company and she knew she had absolutely no hope of being employed there. But Gerry had told her to shoot for the moon …

  Holly also thought about the phone call she had just received from Denise. Denise had been so excited on the phone she didn’t seem to be at all bothered by the fact that Holly hadn’t talked to her since they’d gone out for dinner. In fact, Holly didn’t think she had even noticed that Holly hadn’t returned her phone call. Denise had been all talk about her wedding arrangements and rambled on for almost an hour about what kind of dress she should wear, what flowers she should choose, where she should hold the reception. She started sentences and then forgot to finish them as she jumped from topic to topic. All Holly had to do was make a few noises to let her know she was still listening … although she wasn’t. The only piece of information she had taken in was that Denise was planning to have the wedding on New Year’s Eve, and by the sounds of it Tom wouldn’t be having a say in how Denise’s special day should be run. Holly was surprised to hear they had set a date so soon, she had just assumed it would be one of those long-winded last-a-few-years kind of engagements, especially as Denise and Tom had only been an item for four months. But Holly didn’t worry about that as much as she would have when she was her old self. She was now a regular subscriber to the finding love and holding on to it forever magazine. Denise and Tom were right not to waste time worrying about what people thought if they knew in their hearts it was the right decision.

  Sharon hadn’t called Holly since the day after she had announced her pregnancy, and Holly knew she would have to call her friend soon before the days passed her by and it was too late. This was an important time in Sharon’s life and she knew she should be there for her, but she just couldn’t bring herself to do it. She was being a jealous, bitter and incredibly selfish friend, she knew that, but Holly needed to be selfish these days in order to survive. She was still trying to get her head around the fact that Sharon and John were managing to achieve everything that everyone had always assumed Holly and Gerry would do first. Sharon had always said she hated kids, Holly thought angrily. Holly would call Sharon when she was good and ready.

  It began to get chilly and Holly took her glass of wine inside to her warm house where she refilled it. All she could do for the next couple of days was wait for her job interviews and pray for success. She went into the sitting room, turned on her and Gerry’s favorite album of love songs on the CD player and snuggled up on the couch with her glass of wine, where she closed her eyes and pictured them dancing around the room together.

  The following day she was awoken by the sound of a car driving into her driveway. She got out of bed and threw Gerry’s dressing gown on, presuming it was her car being returned from the garage. She peeped out of the curtains and immediately jumped back as she saw Richard stepping out of his car. She hoped he hadn’t seen her because she really wasn’t in the mood for one of his visits. She paced her bedroom floor feeling guilty as she ignored the doorbell ringing for the second time. She knew she was being horrible, but she just couldn’t bear sitting down with him for another awkward conversation. She really hadn’t anything to talk about anymore, nothing had changed in her life, she had no exciting news, not even any normal news to tell anybody, never mind Richard.

  She breathed a sigh of relief as she heard him walk away and heard his car door bang shut. She stepped into the shower and allowed the warm water to run over her face and she was once again lost in a world of her own. Twenty minutes later she padded downstairs in her Disco Diva slippers. A scraping noise from outside made her freeze in her step. She pricked her ears up and listened more closely, trying to identify the sound. There it was again. A scraping noise and a rustling like somebody was in her garden … Holly’s eyes widened as she realized that her leprechaun was outside working in her garden. She stood still, unsure of what to do next.

  She crept into the living room, stupidly thinking the person outside would hear her wandering around her house, and she got down on her knees. Peering above the windowsill she gasped as she saw Richard’s car still sitting in the driveway. What was even more surprising was the sight of Richard on his hands and knees with a small gardening implement in his hand, digging up the soil and planting new flowers. She crawled away from the window and sat on the carpet in shock, unsure of what to do next. The sound of her car being parked outside the house snapped her back to attention and her brain went on overdrive as she tried to figure out whether to answer the door to her mechanic or not. For some odd reason Richard didn’t want Holly to know that he was working on her garden, and she decided she was going to respect that wish … for now.

  She hid behind the couch as she saw her mechanic approach the door and she had to laugh at how ridiculous this all seemed. She giggled quietly to herself as the doorbell rang and she scurried even further behind the couch as her mechanic walked over to the window and stared in. Her heart beat wildly and she felt as though she were doing something illegal. She covered her mouth and tried to smother her laughs. She felt like such a child again. She had always been hopeless at playing hide-and-seek, whenever she felt her seeker coming near her she would always get an attack of the giggles and her hiding place would be found. Then for the rest of the day she would have to search for everybody else. She wouldn’t giggle then because everybody knew that was the boring part that was always given to the youngest child. But she was making up for lost wins in the past because she had succeeded in fooling both Richard and her mechanic, and she rolled around on the carpet laughing at herself as she heard him drop the keys through the letterbox and walk away from the door.

  A few minutes later she stuck her head out from around the couch and checked if it was safe to come out. She stood up and brushed the dust off her clothes, telling herself she was too old to be playing silly games. She peeked out from behind the curtain again and saw Richard packing up his gardening equipment.

  On second thought, these silly games were fun and she had nothing else to do. Holly kicked off her slippers and shoved her feet into her trainers. As soon as she saw Richard drive down the road she ran outside and hopped into her car. She was going to chase her leprechaun.

  She managed to stay three cars behind him all the way, just like they did in the movies, and she slowed down as she saw him pulling over ahead of her. He parked his car and went into the newsagent and returned with a newspaper in his hand. Holly put her sunglasses on, adjusted her baseball cap and peered over the top of the Arab Leader that was covering her face. She laughed at herself as she caught sight of her reflection in the mirror. She looked like the most suspicious person in the world. She watched Richard cross the road and head into the Greasy Spoon. She was slightly disappointed; she was hoping for a far juicier adventure than this.

  She sat in her car for a few minutes trying to formulate a new plan and jumped with fright as a traffic warden banged on her window.

  “You can’t park here,” he said, motioning toward the car park. Holly smiled back sweetly and rolled her eyes as she backed into a free space. Surely Cagney and Lacey never had this problem.

  Eventually her inner child settled down to have a nap and mature Holly took her cap and glasses off and tossed them onto the passenger seat, feeling foolish. Silly games over. Real life starting now.

  She crossed the road and looked around inside the café for her brother. She spotted him sitting down with his back to her, hunche
d over his newspaper and drinking a cup of tea. She marched over happily with a smile on her face. “God, Richard, do you ever go to work?” she joked loudly, causing him to jump. She was about to say more but stopped herself as he looked up at her with tears in his eyes and his shoulders began to shake.

  Thirty-three

  HOLLY LOOKED AROUND TO SEE if anyone else in the café had noticed and she slowly pulled out a chair and sat down beside Richard. Had she said something wrong? She looked at Richard’s face in shock, not knowing what to do or what to say. She could safely say that she had never been in this situation before. Tears rolled down his face and he tried with all his might to stop them.

  “Richard, what’s wrong?” she said, confused, and she placed her hand awkwardly on his arm and patted it.

  Richard continued to shake with tears.

  The plump lady dressed in a canary yellow apron this time made her way around the counter and placed a box of tissues on the table beside Holly.

  “Here you go,” she said, handing Richard a tissue. He wiped his eyes and blew his nose loudly, a big old-man blow, and Holly tried to hide her smile.

  “I’m sorry for crying,” Richard said, embarrassed, and avoided eye contact with her.

  “Hey,” she said softly, placing her hand more easily on his arm this time, “there’s nothing wrong with crying. It’s my new hobby these days, so don’t knock it.”

  He smiled at her weakly. “Everything just seems to be falling apart, Holly,” he said sadly, catching a tear with the tissue before it dropped from his chin.

  “Like what?” she asked, concerned at her brother’s transformation into somebody she didn’t know at all. Come to think of it, she had never really known the real Richard. She had seen so many sides to him over the past few months he had her slightly baffled.