PS, I Love You: A Novel Read online

  Everyone oohed and aahed as Elizabeth brought out the food and the aroma filled the room. Holly had always loved her mother’s cooking, she was never afraid to experiment with new flavors and recipes, a trait that had not been passed down to her daughter. “Hey, poor little Timmy must be starving out there,” Ciara exclaimed to Richard. “He must have done his time by now.”

  She knew she was skating on thin ice but she loved the danger of it, and more important, she loved to wind Richard up. After all, she had to make up for lost time, she had been away for a year.

  “Ciara, it’s important that Timothy know when he has done something wrong,” explained Richard.

  “Yeah, but couldn’t you just tell him?”

  The rest of the family tried hard not to laugh.

  “He needs to know that his actions will lead to serious consequences so he will not repeat them.”

  “Ah well,” she said, raising her voice a few octaves, “he’s missing all this yummy food. Mmm-mmm-mmm,” she added, licking her lips.

  “Stop it, Ciara,” Elizabeth snapped.

  “Or you’ll have to stand in the corner,” Jack added sternly.

  The table erupted with laughter, bar Meredith and Richard of course.

  “So Ciara, tell us about your adventures in Australia,” Frank moved swiftly on.

  Ciara’s eyes lit up. “Oh, I had the most amazing time, Dad, I would definitely recommend going there to anyone.”

  “Awful long flight, though,” Richard said.

  “Yeah it is, but it’s so worth it.”

  “Did you get any more tattoos?” Holly asked.

  “Yeah, look.” With that, Ciara stood up at the table and pulled down her trousers, revealing a butterfly on her behind.

  Mum, Dad, Richard and Meredith protested in outrage while the others sat in convulsions of laughter. This carried on for a long time. Finally, when Ciara had apologized and Meredith had removed her hands from Emily’s eyes, the table settled down.

  “They are revolting things,” Richard said in disgust.

  “I think butterflies are pretty, Daddy,” said Emily with big innocent eyes.

  “Yes, some butterflies are pretty, Emily, but I’m talking about tattoos. They can give you all sorts of diseases and problems.” Emily’s smile faded.

  “Hey, I didn’t exactly get this done in a dodgy place sharing needles with drug dealers, you know. The place was perfectly clean.”

  “Well, that’s an oxymoron if ever I heard one,” Meredith said with disgust.

  “Been in one recently, Meredith?” Ciara asked a bit too forcefully.

  “Well, em … n-n-n-no,” she stuttered, “I have never been in one, thank you very much, but I am sure they are.” Then she turned to Emily. “They are dirty, horrible places, Emily, where only dangerous people go.”

  “Is Aunt Ciara dangerous, Mummy?”

  “Only to five-year-old little girls with red hair,” Ciara said, stuffing her face.

  Emily froze.

  “Richard dear, do you think that Timmy might want to come in now for some food?” Elizabeth asked politely.

  “It’s Timothy,” Meredith interrupted.

  “Yes, Mother, I think that would be OK.”

  A very sorry little Timothy walked slowly into the room with his head down and took his place silently beside Declan. Holly’s heart leapt out to him. How cruel to treat a child like that, how cruel to stop him from being a child … her sympathetic thoughts diminished immediately as she felt his little foot kick her shin underneath the table. They should have left him out there.

  “So Ciara, come on, give us the gossip, do anything wild and wonderful out there?” Holly pushed for more information.

  “Oh yeah, I did a bungee jump actually, well, I did a few. I have the photo here.” She reached into her back pocket and everyone looked away just in case she was planning to reveal any more bits of her anatomy. Thankfully she only took out her wallet; she passed the photo around the table and continued explaining.

  “The first one I did was off a bridge and my head hit the water when I fell …”

  “Oh Ciara, that sounds dangerous,” her mother said with her hands across her face.

  “Oh no, it wasn’t dangerous at all,” she reassured her.

  The photograph was passed to Holly and she and Jack burst out laughing. Ciara dangled upside down from a rope with her face contorted in the middle of a scream from pure terror. Her hair (it was blue at that time) was shooting out in all directions as though she had been electrocuted.

  “Attractive photo, Ciara. Mum, you must get that framed for over the fireplace,” Holly joked.

  “Yeah!” Ciara’s eyes lit up as the thought hit her. “That would be a cool idea.”

  “Sure darling, I’ll just take down the one of you making your Holy Communion and replace it with that,” Elizabeth said sarcastically.

  “Well, I don’t know which one would be scarier,” said Declan.

  “Holly, what are you doing for your birthday?” asked Abbey, leaning across toward her. She was clearly dying to get out of the conversation she was having with Richard.

  “Oh, that’s right!” shouted Ciara. “You’re gonna be thirty in a few weeks!”

  “I’m not doing anything big at all,” she warned everyone. “I don’t want any surprise party or anything, please.”

  “Oh, you have to …,” said Ciara.

  “No, she doesn’t have to if she doesn’t want to,” her father interrupted, and he winked supportively at Holly.

  “Thank you, Dad. I’m just going to have a girly night out clubbing or something. Nothing mad, nothing wild.”

  Richard tutted as the photograph reached him and passed it on to his father, who chuckled to himself over the sight of Ciara.

  “Yes, I agree with you, Holly,” said Richard, “those birthday celebrations are always a bit embarrassing. Grown adults acting like children, doing ‘Rock the boat’ on the floor and drinking far too much. You’re quite right.”

  “Well, I actually quite enjoy those parties, Richard,” Holly shot back, “but I just don’t feel in the celebratory mood this year, that’s all.”

  There was silence for a moment before Ciara piped up, “A girly night it is then.”

  “Can I tag along with the camera?” asked Declan.

  “For what?”

  “Just for some footage of clubs and stuff for college.”

  “Well, if it’ll help … but as long as you know I won’t be going to all the trendy places that you like.”

  “No, I don’t mind where you g … OW!” he shouted and stared menacingly at Timothy.

  Timmy stuck his tongue out at him and the conversation continued on. After the main course had finished, Ciara disappeared out of the room and arrived with a bulging bag in her hand and announced, “Presents!!”

  Timmy and Emily cheered. Holly hoped that Ciara had remembered to get them something.

  Her father received a colorfully painted boomerang that he pretended to throw down at his wife, Richard was given a T-shirt with the map of Australia on it, which he immediately began to teach to Timmy and Emily at the table, Meredith quite comically wasn’t given anything, Jack and Declan were given T-shirts with perverted pictures and a caption saying “I’ve been to the bush,” Holly’s mum received a collection of old Aboriginal recipes and Holly was touched by the dream catcher made from brightly colored feathers and sticks. “So all your dreams come true,” Ciara had whispered in her ear before kissing her on the cheek.

  Thankfully Ciara had bought sweets for Timmy and Emily, but they looked strangely like the sweets you could buy from the local shop. These were briskly taken away by Richard and Meredith, who claimed they would rot their teeth.

  “Well, give them back then so I can rot my own,” Ciara demanded.

  Timmy and Emily looked around sadly at everyone’s presents and were immediately chastised by Richard for not concentrating on the map of Australia. Timmy made a face at Holly and a war
m feeling returned to her heart. As long as the kids kept on acting like they deserved their harsh treatment, it made it easier for Holly to deal with. In fact, she may even have bordered on enjoying watching them being given out to.

  “Right, we better hit the road, Richard, or the children will fall asleep at the table,” announced Meredith. The children, though, were wide awake and kicking Holly and Declan repeatedly under the table.

  “Well, before everybody goes disappearing,” Holly’s father announced loudly over the chatter. The table grew silent. “I would like to propose a toast to our beautiful daughter Ciara, as this is her welcome-home dinner.” He smiled at his daughter and Ciara lapped up all the attention. “We missed you, love, and we’re glad you’re home safely,” Frank finished. He lifted his glass into the air, “To Ciara!”

  “To Ciara!” everyone repeated, and they finished off what was in their glasses.

  As soon as the door closed behind Richard and Meredith everyone began to leave one by one. Holly stepped into the chilly air and walked to her car alone. Her mum and dad stood at the door waving her off but she still felt lonely. Usually she left dinner parties with Gerry, and if not with him then she was returning home to him. But not tonight or the next night or the night after that.

  Eight

  HOLLY STOOD IN FRONT OF the full-length mirror and inspected herself. She had carried out Gerry’s orders and had purchased a new outfit. What for, she didn’t know, but several times every day she had to drag herself away from opening the envelope for May. There were only two days left until she could, and the anticipation left her no room to think of anything else.

  She had settled on wearing an all-black outfit to suit her current mood. Black fitted trousers slimmed her legs and were tailored perfectly to sit over her black boots. A black corset that made her look like she had a bigger chest finished the outfit off perfectly. Leo had done a wonderful job on her hair, tying it up and allowing strands to fall in loose waves around her shoulders. Holly ran her fingers through her hair and smiled at the memory of her time at the hairdresser’s. She had arrived at the salon with her face flushed and out of breath. “Oh, I’m so sorry, Leo, I got caught on the phone and didn’t realize the time.”

  “Don’t worry, love, whenever you make an appointment I have the staff trained to pencil it in for half an hour later. Colin!” he yelled, clicking his fingers in the air. Colin dropped everything and ran.

  “God, are you taking horse tranquilizers or something? The length of your hair already, and I just cut it a few weeks ago.”

  He pumped vigorously on the chair, raising Holly higher. “Anything special tonight?” he asked, attacking the chair.

  “The big three-oh,” she said, biting her lip.

  “What’s that, your local bus route?”

  “No! I’m the big three-oh!”

  “Of course I knew that, love, Colin!” he yelled again, snapping his fingers in the air.

  With that, Colin appeared from the staff room behind Holly with a cake in his hand, followed by a row of hairdressers joining Leo in a chorus of “Happy Birthday.” Holly was dumbfounded. “Leo!” was all she could say. She battled the tears that were welling in her eyes and failed miserably. By this stage the entire salon had joined in and Holly was just overwhelmed by their show of love. When it was over everyone applauded and normal business resumed.

  Holly couldn’t speak.

  “Christ Almighty, Holly, one week you’re in here laughing so hard you practically fall off your chair and the next visit you’re crying!”

  “Oh, but that was just so special, Leo, thank you,” she said, drying her eyes and giving him a huge hug and a kiss.

  “Well, I had to get you back after you mortified me,” he said, shrugging her off, uncomfortable with the sentimentality.

  Holly laughed, remembering Leo’s surprise fiftieth birthday party. The theme had been “feathers and lace” as she recalled. Holly had worn a beautiful tight-fitting lace dress and Gerry, who was always game for a laugh, had worn a pink feather boa to match his pink shirt and tie. Leo claimed to have been excruciatingly embarrassed, but everyone knew he was secretly delighted with all the attention. The next day, Leo had rung every guest who had attended the party and left a threatening message on their machine. Holly had been terrified to make an appointment with Leo for weeks after that in case he butchered her. Word had it that business was very slow for Leo that week.

  “Well, you enjoyed the stripper that night anyway,” Holly teased.

  “Enjoyed? I went out with him for a month after that. The bastard.”

  A slice of cake arrived in front of each customer and everyone turned to thank her.

  “Don’t know why they’re thanking you,” Leo muttered under his breath, “I’m the one who bloody bought it.”

  “Don’t worry, Leo, I’ll make sure your tip covers the cost.”

  “Are you mad? Your tip wouldn’t cover the cost of my bus fare home.”

  “Leo, you live next door.”

  “Exactly!”

  Holly pouted her lip and pretended to sulk. Leo laughed. “Thirty years old and you’re still acting like a baby. Where are you off to tonight?”

  “Oh, nowhere mad. I just want a low-key, nice quiet night out with the girls.”

  “That’s what I said at my fiftieth. Who’s going?”

  “Sharon, Ciara, Abbey and Denise, haven’t seen her for ages.”

  “Ciara home?”

  “Yeah, her and her pink hair.”

  “Merciful hour! She’ll stay away from me if she knows what’s good for her. Right missus, you look fab, you’ll be the belle of the ball—have fun!”

  Holly stopped daydreaming and returned her gaze to her reflection in her bedroom mirror. She didn’t feel thirty. But then again, what was being thirty supposed to feel like? When she was younger, thirty seemed so far away, she thought that a woman of that age would be so wise and knowledgeable, so settled in her life with a husband and children and a career. She had none of those things. She still felt as clueless as she had felt when she was twenty, only with a few more gray hairs and crow’s-feet around her eyes. She sat down on the edge of the bed and continued to stare at herself. There was nothing about being thirty worth celebrating.

  The doorbell rang and Holly could hear the excited chatter and giggles of the girls outside. She tried to perk herself up, took a deep breath and plastered a smile on her face.

  “Happy Birthday!” they all yelled in unison.

  She stared back at their happy faces and was immediately cheered up by their enthusiasm. She ushered them into the living room and waved hello to the camera being held by Declan.

  “No, Holly, you’re supposed to ignore him!” hissed Denise, and she dragged Holly by the arm onto the couch, where they all surrounded her and immediately started thrusting presents in her face.

  “Open mine first!” squealed Ciara, knocking Sharon out of the way so hard that she toppled off the couch. Sharon froze in horror, unsure of how to react, then she burst into giggles.

  “OK, calm down, everyone,” said the voice of reason (Abbey), struggling to help up a hysterical Sharon. “I think we should pop open the bubbly first and then open the pressies.”

  “OK, but as long as she opens mine first,” pouted Ciara.

  “Ciara, I promise to open yours first.” Holly spoke to her as though she were addressing a child.

  Abbey raced into the kitchen and returned with a tray full of champagne flutes. “Anyone for champers, sweetie darlings?”

  The flutes were a wedding gift and one of the glasses had Gerry and Holly’s names inscribed on it, which Abbey had tactfully removed from the set. “OK, Holly, you can do the honors,” Abbey said, handing her the bottle.

  Everyone ran for cover and ducked as Holly began to remove the cork. “Hey, I’m not that bad, everyone!”

  “Yeah, she’s an old pro at this by now,” said Sharon, appearing from behind the couch with a cushion on her head.

/>   The girls all cheered as they heard the pop and crawled out from their hiding places. “The sound of heaven,” Denise said dramatically, holding her hand up to her heart.

  “OK, now open my present!” Ciara screamed again.

  “Ciara!” they all shouted. “After the toast,” added Sharon.

  Everyone held up their glasses.

  “OK, here’s to my bestest friend in the whole world who has had such a difficult year, but all throughout, she’s been the bravest and the strongest person I’ve ever met. She’s an inspiration to us all. Here’s to her finding happiness for the next thirty years of her life! To Holly!”

  “To Holly,” they all chorused. Everyone’s eyes were sparkling with tears as they took a sip of their drink, except of course for Ciara, who had knocked back her glass of champagne and was scrambling to give her present to Holly first.

  “OK, first you have to wear this tiara because you are our princess for the night, and second here’s my present from me to you!”

  The girls helped Holly put on the sparkling tiara that luckily went perfectly with her black glittery corset, and at that moment, surrounded by her friends, she felt like a princess.

  Holly carefully removed the tape from the neatly wrapped parcel.

  “Oh, just rip it open!” said Abbey to everyone’s surprise.

  Holly looked at the box inside, confused. “What is it?”

  “Read it!” Ciara said excitedly.

  Holly began to read aloud from the box, “It’s a battery-operated … oh my God! Ciara! You naughty girl!” Holly and the girls laughed hysterically.

  “Well, I’ll definitely need this,” Holly laughed, holding the box up to the camera.

  Declan looked like he was about to throw up.

  “Do you like it?” Ciara asked, searching for approval. “I wanted to give it to you at dinner that time but I didn’t think it would be appropriate …”

  “Gosh! Well, I’m glad you saved it till now!” Holly laughed, giving her sister a hug.

  “OK, me next,” Abbey said, putting her parcel on Holly’s lap. “It’s from me and Jack, so don’t expect anything like Ciara’s!”