Girl in the Mirror Read online

  ‘Okay, I’ll do it. Now calm down and concentrate on that road.’

  Lila calmed herself, waited for her blood to stop boiling.

  ‘Well, two hours from now, you’ll be my wife,’ he said, and she could hear the smile in his voice.

  ‘Then I can reveal my true colours and stop acting like this perfect saint now that I’ve snared my man,’ she said, then laughed evilly.

  He laughed. ‘This is you as a saint?’

  She smiled. Looked at herself in her mirror. She looked happy. She was happy. Had never been so happy.

  ‘I love you, monkey,’ he said.

  ‘I love you, hippo,’ she said, smiling at herself in the mirror.

  She hung up just as Grellie’s house came into view and the excitement rushed through her. She couldn’t think of anybody more appropriate to spend the special morning with and also to accompany her up the aisle.

  The front door was open before the engine had stopped and though she couldn’t yet see Grellie through the wild garden, she could sense her excitement too. It drifted out from the black-and-white weather-beaten arch above the door, through the bluebells and nettles, hydrangea and dandelions. It skipped over the cracked, randomly dotted flagstones in the grass and greeted her at the creaking gate, which hung from one hinge.

  She carried the dress over her arms as though carrying an exhausted sleeping child home. As soon as she neared Grellie she held the dress out.

  Grellie’s hands automatically reached out and felt for the fabric. Her old fingers moved gracefully like a ballet dancer on point, over the silk.

  ‘It’s ivory,’ Lila whispered, not wanting sound to take away from Grellie’s senses.

  Grellie was quiet as her fingers inspected the dress. Lila closed her eyes, listened to the waves crashing below, and the wind’s effect on the overgrowth and if she wasn’t about to marry the man she loved, she almost would have wished for that moment to be frozen in time.

  Grellie’s fingers moved across the fabric like a concert pianist and as soon as she had finished her piece her fingers stopped moving, she clasped them together and held them to her smiling face.

  ‘It’s beautiful,’ she said.

  Lila hung the dress up in Grellie’s bedroom and returned downstairs to the kitchen to join her. True to form, Grellie had filled the conservatory with home-baked goods.

  ‘Grellie.’ Lila laughed. ‘I told you not to, I won’t be able to eat this, I won’t fit into my dress.’

  ‘Oh I know,’ Ellie apologised, ‘I just didn’t know what to do with myself so I got up at three and started baking.’

  ‘Three?’

  ‘I couldn’t sleep.’ She laughed. ‘I’m so excited. Oh, Lila.’ She grabbed her hand and held it in both of hers. They were warm from their baking duties. ‘Your mum and dad would be so proud.’

  ‘Oh don’t,’ Lila said, taking her hand back and wiping the corner of her eye. ‘You’ll ruin my makeup.’

  ‘You have it on already?’

  ‘Louise did my hair and make-up this morning. My hands were shaking so much I didn’t trust myself,’ Lila lied.

  Ellie was quiet for a moment as she realised why. Of course. She would need to see her reflection to do her hair and make up.

  ‘How do you feel about going out today?’

  Ellie hadn’t gone beyond the boundaries of the house’s grounds for over fifity years. Since the incident.

  ‘You know what? I feel excited.’ Ellie grinned.

  ‘I wish mum and dad could be here.’

  ‘They will be. They’ll be front row, I’m sure. Your dad was never one to miss out on a party. Front row of every feis and recital to see his girl.’

  ‘Third best in Europe,’ Lila said, and they laughed.

  She was referring to the time Lila had come third in her Irish-dancing competition and her father had raved to everybody how his girl was third best in Europe. The fact of the matter was that Lila was last. Only three girls had entered the competition.

  ‘Oh what will he be saying about me today?’ Lila half laughed, half cried.

  ‘Best bride in the church,’ Ellie deepened her voice and imitated him. ‘Definitely, definitely the best bride in the church.’

  They both laughed.

  ‘Oh, Grellie, what would I do without you? You’re my saviour.’

  ‘Oh and I without you my love.’

  They embraced.

  ‘Now, enough of this nonsense,’ Ellie said pulling herself together. ‘Let’s get you into this dress before Jeremy thinks you’ve changed your mind.’

  ‘Ooh,’ Lila squealed with excitement, ‘I’ll be back in a minute.’

  She ran up the dark wooden stairs breathless with excitement as she had so many years as a child, her feet landing on the worn patches in exactly the right places. She entered Grellie’s bedroom and smiled at the sight of her dress hanging on the door of the wardrobe. Despite the open curtains, the room was dark. The mirror over the dresser had a black sheet over it, the full-length mirror on the wall was covered with plywood. Lila had a pang of regret that she couldn’t see herself fully dressed with her hair and make-up. The first people to see her would be those in the church, she realised. She could have lipstick on her teeth for all she knew.

  Well she couldn’t have that. Not on her wedding day.

  She went next door to the room Grellie never allowed her into; it had the best mirror in the house. A free-standing, full-length mirror. Lila had been in plenty of times but never looked in the mirror. She respected Grellie’s wishes. But today was her wedding day and for the first time in twenty-eight years she was going to disobey her. If Grellie ever found out, though there was no reason why she would, then she would just explain. The most important day of her life to date. Grellie would understand. And if she didn’t under stand, she would forgive.

  The spare bedroom had the damp smell of a room never aired, the mustiness of a room never cleaned and the iciness of a room not heated in over thirty years.

  Lila felt like a naughty school girl as she pulled back the black sheet, half expecting a monster to jump out. Her heart was in her mouth. But as the fabric fell away, she was taken aback by the sight. Her. Just her. A pretty her. A beautiful her. Looking so grown up in the dress. Her eyes teared up and she felt ridiculous over such vanity. She took a step backward to get the full view. It was perfect. She felt perfect. She thought of her childhood, well and truly over now, her parents, the loss of so many things but the joy of what was to come. Silly. All over a dress.

  She welled up again, laughed at herself and tried to waft air at her eyes so that the tears wouldn’t fall and ruin her make-up. But it was too late. A tear ran down her cheek.

  ‘Damn it.’ She moved closer to the mirror to inspect the damage done to her eye make-up.

  Smudged a little.

  She did her best with her fingertips to smooth it out again. This would be her only opportunity, no more mirrors until after the church and then it would be too late.

  Close up, she saw her forehead suddenly crease. A sudden movement. Unusual because she didn’t feel like she was frowning. Lines appearing on her wedding day. Great.

  She moved her fingers to her forehead to feel for the bumps but, bizarrely, her fingers did not comply in her reflection. Warning bells went off in her head.

  ‘Lila,’ she heard Grellie call.

  She couldn’t answer, she didn’t want Grellie to hear her voice come from the spare bedroom. Suddenly she didn’t want to explain anything. She’d made a mistake, she knew it. She’d always known Grellie was a rational woman, that her fears must have been for a reason. She’d always respected that, trusted it, however only then truly acknowledged it.

  Startled, she stood upright. Her reflection was in sync then. She laughed, realising her imagination was playing up. She reached her hand out to touch the mirror.

  ‘Lila, is everything okay up there?’

  Suddenly the hand in the mirror turned, grabbed. She felt flesh, co
ld cold flesh, then she was pulled forcefully through the glass mirror, which felt like an icy blast of air on her skin. She was faced with herself, in a wedding dress. She looked to her right, the room was displayed back to her like a TV screen. The stark bed, with brass headboard, the dark, unworn floorboards. The white walls, the dusty bedside tables. A chair against the wall. That was it. An empty space where she had been standing. The door closed.

  ‘Well, well, we finally meet in the flesh,’ the girl opposite her said. She didn’t sound like Lila and on further inspection didn’t look exactly like her either. There was something missing behind the eyes.

  They were dead, cold.

  Lila looked around. The room in which she was standing was the exact reflection of the spare bedroom. Everything reversed. The picture the bed, the nightstands, the door.

  ‘Lila!’ she heard Grellie again.

  ‘I’m here!’ she heard her voice scream out. Desperation. Panic.

  ‘She can’t hear you,’ the voice sang.

  Lila turned to go back out of the mirror but she bumped against cold. Cold nothingness. A wall of cold.

  ‘And you can’t get out,’ the sing-song voice continued.

  ‘Who are you?’ Lila finally spoke, anger and fear causing her voice to tremble.

  ‘Well today,’ she looked down, ‘it looks like I’m the bride. Da - da - da - da,’ she sang and laughed.

  ‘Who the hell are you?’

  ‘Oh now, really, that upsets me. You look at me everyday and you don’t see me?’

  Lila’s mouth opened, then closed, no idea what to say, her mind moving at the speed of light as she tried to figure it all out. Was it a hoax? Some cruel joke played by her friends on the morning of her wedding? But she knew it was not. It felt too real, she was not imagining this. Her natural instincts were telling her she was in serious danger.

  ‘Well I see you everyday,’ the girl continued. ‘I look back at you everyday. You’re not as perfect as you make yourself out to be, are you?’ She smiled slyly.

  ‘I want to get out of here,’ Lila said, coldly now. ‘Get me the hell out of here. Or else.’

  ‘Or else what?’ The girl smiled, happy with the challenge. ‘Will you hurt me?’

  Lila looked around the reversed room, her eyes scanning for weapons. She was well able to defend herself. You don’t have a grandmother with no eyes, who is afraid of mirrors and hasn’t left her home in over thirty years, living in a wild house on the tip of the headland, without learning how to defend yourself. Well she could and she would.

  She looked around.

  Her eyes fell upon one of the bedside lockers, and she remembered hiding a letter opener there after playing a game with a friend. She had been too afraid to bring it back downstairs in case Grellie knew she had the letter opener in her posession. So she had left it there, all those years. Lila headed straight for the locker, her trail sweeping the reflected dust along the floor, but none of it moved. She opened the drawer.

  The girl threw her head back and laughed. ‘What on earth are you doing?’

  The drawer was empty. Inside was just a black hole, not even a bottom in the drawer.

  ‘Don’t you get it? They’re just props. Nothing here is real. It’s a reflection. It’s not real.’

  ‘Then you’re not real,’ Lila snapped back. ‘That means that you are just a reflection, that you are nothing, that you are not real.’

  ‘Lila, I’m the realest thing in here right now. I’m the only one who can get out of here.’

  Lila swallowed.

  ‘Lila!’ Grellie called. Her voice was louder now, not just through urgency but because she was getting closer. Lila heard her footsteps on the stairs. She couldn’t make up her mind whether she wanted Grellie to enter the room or not. She wouldn’t though, she wouldn’t know the sheet had been moved. Unless she felt her way, and she did not want Grellie to touch the glass.

  ‘Here she is,’ the girl said, raising an eyebrow, looking as though she were about to eat a banquet of food after a lifetime of starvation. ‘I haven’t seen that bitch for a long time. But I suppose she hasn’t seen me either.’ She giggled. ‘You know you did well to listen to the old cow. You never looked in any of the mirrors ever. Twenty-eight years Lila. Why? Were you afraid?’

  She didn’t allow Lila to answer.

  ‘But of all the days to disobey her.’ She tutted as though Lila were a naughty child. ‘The most important day of your life? Looks like I’ll be the one sleeping with Jeremy tonight. I’ll enjoy that.’

  Lila couldn’t help it. She reached out and slapped the girl hard across the cheek. The icy coldness of her cheek stung Lila’s hand. The girl’s head whipped to the side then back again. She held her hand to her cheek, then she started laughing.

  ‘Well now I’m going to really enjoy it. Might even do it in front of a mirror, just so you can watch. Jeremy would like that, wouldn’t he? Come to think of it, you would too. Vincent, was that his name? In the toilet? Honestly, Lila, I didn’t know you had it in you. I wonder if Jeremy knows about him. Maybe a wedding night is a good night to confess all secrets.’ She winked.

  ‘If you think I’m going to let you take over my life you’re wrong.’

  ‘Of course. You don’t think I’d just take your life without asking, do you? That’d just be rude.’

  ‘Well then my answer is no.’

  ‘I haven’t asked you yet. You haven’t heard the option. You have three chances to say yes.’

  ‘There is no option. I’m going back through that mirror,’ Lila said with steely determination.

  ‘You can give me your eyes,’ the girl said, deadly serious now.

  ‘What? No!’ Lila took a step away from her.

  ‘Lila!’ She heard Grellie again, anger in her voice now. ‘Come here at once. Where are you?’ She heard Grellie’s bedroom door open. It would take her a while to feel around the room, realise she wasn’t there.

  ‘I’m here, I’m in here!’ she yelled.

  ‘She can’t hear you,’ the girl sang. ‘Now give me your eyes.’

  ‘No!’ Lila shouted now. ‘This is not funny. I want to get out of here. Let me out!’

  The girl took a deep breath. ‘You’re not listening closely enough, Lila. You have one more chance.’

  ‘Are you crazy? Why would I give you my eyes?’

  ‘The price of freedom,’ she said simply.

  ‘Oh my god,’ Lila whispered, her heart hammering. ‘You took her eyes.’

  ‘Yes, it’s a bit messy,’ the girl said screwing up her nose. ‘Not very nice. That’s why I refused when I was in your position, but your grandmother, she was clever. She chose freedom. I don’t know about you though. You. You’re vain. Might not do it. But you’re my only chance. It’s been a long time waiting. She hasn’t made it very easy for me.’

  ‘How long have you been here?’ Lila asked.

  ‘I’m not here for polite chit-chat, Lila. I’ve been here long enough. Now you’ve one more chance.’ She took a deep breath as though her life depended on it.

  ‘You hurt my grandmother,’ Lila said angrily. ‘I will never let you do the same to me.’

  ‘So what’s the answer? Yes or no?’

  ‘No,’ Lila said defiantly.

  The girl’s face softened, she smiled and let out a long breath as though she’d been holding it for years.

  ‘Thank you,’ she said simply, her voice had softened too.

  ‘What?’

  ‘Take care. It gets cold in here. See you around.’

  The girl stepped towards the mirror and in a rush of cold air she disappeared through to the other side. Lila chased her but once again slammed into a cold, icy nothingness. She watched as the girl looked at herself in the mirror. Lila felt herself automatically move in time with her. She fixed her hair when the girl did, wiped her smudged mascara when the girl did. She took a deep breath. Winked.

  ‘I’m coming, Grandmother!’ she called sweetly.

  Grand
mother, Lila heard. Grellie would know. Surely she’d know. Then the girl replaced the black sheet over the curtain and there was nothing. Absolutely nothing. Just blackness. The chair, the bed, the door, the picture, the bedside lockers. It was all gone. It was silent too, all she could hear was her own breathing. And it was cold.

  Ellie was at her wits’ end. She had searched everywhere, had felt all along the walls and floors of her bedroom in case Lila had collapsed. She was about to ring Jeremy when she had a thought. A desperate thought. She wouldn’t have. God Almighty, please let her not have.

  She felt her way along to the spare bedroom.

  It was a long time since she had even passed through that door. A lifetime since she had entered it. She was a different woman then. Having inherited the house from her husband’s mother, she had been exploring the place. They had just arrived, they were excited. Their first day in their first house together, they split up and looked at different rooms. She had chosen this one. He had left her after that. Her and her baby daughter. Couldn’t deal with her after the incident. A nervous breakdown they’d called it. Self-harming.

  She stood outside the door, her hand trembling as she reached out to touch the door knob. She felt nauseous. Her knees trembled so badly she could barely stand.

  Then she heard the voice.

  ‘I’m coming Grandmother!’

  And she knew. She knew straight away. She felt sick.

  The door opened.

  A presence stood there, stood there watching her for a spell while she backed away and reached out for something to hold on to. To keep her up. A cold blast of air hit her. Then finally.

  ‘What’s wrong?’

  Ellie, ever the survivor, pulled herself together. ‘Lila, my dear,’ she panted. ‘My heart pills. Get me my heart pills.’

  ‘What’s wrong? Where are they? I’ve forgotten.’

  ‘Remember what the doctor said,’ Ellie continued.

  ‘I know, I know you have to be careful. Where are they?’

  There was nothing wrong with her heart.

  ‘My bathroom.’

  She moved to Ellie’s bedroom, a good guess that it was her room. She would have heard her feet move from the bedroom rug to the tiled bathroom floor but there was no sound. She was still in the bedroom.